Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Bothered




It’s strange but I have been home from Africa for a whole month now. Feel like I haven’t quite adjusted yet. But I’m coming to the realization that I may never (or at least in a way I hope I don’t).

See I am bothered by alot. I am bothered that when I wake up in the morning I know there is food only footsteps from my bedroom. I am bothered by the decision of what to wear. I am bothered that I can spend my summer day as an unemployed college student worry free. And most of all, I am bothered when I get into my spacious bed at night.

Why am I so bothered?

I have met children who do not know when their next meal will be, mothers who only have the luxury of one outfit, fathers who struggle to find work and families who share a tiny huts at night.

Upon returning home, there are many different emotions. The first and probably most selfish is one of relief. I’m relieved I don’t have to worry about the water I drink or the food I eat. I am not inconvenienced by a mosquito net or malaria medication. The basics of life are a lot more easily achieved here in the states.

Second, would be one of emptiness. I miss seeing and interacting with my African friends. The connection between two people from incredibly different parts of the world is a special and unique relationship. African life is hard yet there is a simplicity that comes with it. People are not as concerned with materialistic issues. They have a easier time focusing on the things that do matter in life like friends, family and appreciating every moment the Lord gives.

Last, I am left with anger and frustration. I am angry with the realization that I am so greatly blessed compared to others yet I’m not as content as I should be. I am angry that others will never have the luxuries I do yet out work me. And my frustration further builds. I know we are not suppose to be able to figure out God but I still try to understand why God would allow the world to work like this. Frustrated because I want a direct answer from the Big Man about what His will for me is. I want to know the path that I’m suppose to walk.

Senior year will be starting soon, shouldn't I have a plan for my life and purpose behind it. Right now I have different possibilities I’m thinking about. Peace Corps, grad. school, going directly into student affairs. Who knows which one I should choose and which one is the correct one.

God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.- Frederick Buechner