Bothered

It’s strange but I have been home from Africa for a whole month now. Feel like I haven’t quite adjusted yet. But I’m coming to the realization that I may never (or at least in a way I hope I don’t).

See I am bothered by alot. I am bothered that when I wake up in the morning I know there is food only footsteps from my bedroom. I am bothered by the decision of what to wear. I am bothered that I can spend my summer day as an unemployed college student worry free. And most of all, I am bothered when I get into my spacious bed at night.

Why am I so bothered?

I have met children who do not know when their next meal will be, mothers who only have the luxury of one outfit, fathers who struggle to find work and families who share a tiny huts at night.

Upon returning home, there are many different emotions. The first and probably most selfish is one of relief. I’m relieved I don’t have to worry about the water I drink or the food I eat. I am not inconvenienced by a mosquito net or malaria medication. The basics of life are a lot more easily achieved here in the states.

Second, would be one of emptiness. I miss seeing and interacting with my African friends. The connection between two people from incredibly different parts of the world is a special and unique relationship. African life is hard yet there is a simplicity that comes with it. People are not as concerned with materialistic issues. They have a easier time focusing on the things that do matter in life like friends, family and appreciating every moment the Lord gives.

Last, I am left with anger and frustration. I am angry with the realization that I am so greatly blessed compared to others yet I’m not as content as I should be. I am angry that others will never have the luxuries I do yet out work me. And my frustration further builds. I know we are not suppose to be able to figure out God but I still try to understand why God would allow the world to work like this. Frustrated because I want a direct answer from the Big Man about what His will for me is. I want to know the path that I’m suppose to walk.

Senior year will be starting soon, shouldn't I have a plan for my life and purpose behind it. Right now I have different possibilities I’m thinking about. Peace Corps, grad. school, going directly into student affairs. Who knows which one I should choose and which one is the correct one.

God calls you to the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet.- Frederick Buechner

Today

My soul is the same as my brothers' and sisters'
We all travel many miles on our journeys
One expeiences the struggles and joys of life regardless of wealth or poverty
Looking closely, I see the same red African soil covering our souls
Yet when I return home mine will be washed off and their's will remain
But in the moment this does not matter
We walk hand in hand, black and white, poor and rich
Because loves sees no differences, only the Lord in one another

On the Road Again

Today I'm head up to Naperville to visit friends. Driving to Princeton then the train the rest of the way. Feels weird to be at home. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the inconsistencies of this world. How can it be that God gives me so much and Judith, Edel, and Lucy so little? The hardest part is trying to figure out what is my role in all of this? Still processing. Meanwhile here are some more photos.

Processing...

Made it home safe to chilli Saturday evening. Nice and yet strange at the same time to be home. I'm still processing all the experiences I had. Trying to figure out where I'm at and where do I go from here...

But I'll leave you with some photos since I'm not able to put my thoughts into words.

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Just got back from a 3 night adventure on safari and then to the coast. The traveling was crazy, I'll explain more later. I'll be flying out tomorrow here at 11pm nairobi time and getting to chicago on saturday 105pm local time. I don't have time now but I will write more later. I will also be posting photos then as well. Crazy to think the trip is coming to a close.

Leaving Where I Felt Most At Home

Yesterday, we visited Nyumbani (aids orphange) to help with chores in the morning and play with the children in afternoon. I enjoyed helping Edel with her homework again. Worked on knowing the value of money and practiced writing English. I never enjoyed homework so much. I also got in on many games of Old Maid and UNO. After a full day at Nyumbani, we headed out to Anita (the girls home) for a slumber party. We were greeted and then taking to the hall where all 50 something of them get back together. Then for the next hour and half we had the greatest dance party ever. Rick also tried to play popular american songs that they girls knew on his guitar while the rest of us sang along. I don't know how successful we were but I know we provided alot of laughs. Eventually, we headed up to the houses where 8-12 girls leave with a house mom for dinner. I enjoyed cabbage, beef stew, rice, and potatoes. We had great dinner conversation about our families, music and a number of other random topics. Whitney, Nathan and I headed to bed fairly early around 9 because some of the girls have school on Saturday morning. Not before Nathan had Whit and I hyperventilating with his Neil Diamond routine. We slept in til 830ish-9. By the time we got up the girls had the majority of their morning chores done. For breakfast we had tea, and chapti. We made the chapti (tortilla like bread thing) into a sugar roll. Whit and I added butter to the surface and then dumped mounds of sugar. It made for a delicious morning breakfast.

After we helped the girls clean the table so we could play games of UNO. The rest of the morning til lunch we just hung out with the girls: played on the playground, kicked a ball around, took goofy photos and such. Some how during this process girls started doing our hair. Right now I have a half head of micro braids, look pretty ridiculous. We eventually had a enormous lunch. But the afternoon had to come to a close which also brought the end of the last visit to Anita. I had grown attached even more this year to a little girl named Lucy. The girl is absolutely the greatest thing. If there was a way to adopt I would be a mother. I gave many goodbye hugs but Lucy was my last one before getting into our van. As soon as I turned to the van the tears started to flow. )
This trip has been great but incredibly challenging as well. But my time at Anita was pure joy. I could with no doubt spend forever there. If the peace corps only posted people there... (this might be the last blog before safari and heading to the coast for some days

No to Nakuru, Yes to Poopoo

Today the rest of the group is making the way to Lake Nakuru which is the home of thousands of flamingos but I remain at Shalom House. The past couple of days, I have had some number two issues which has lead me to be the captain of the D team (I'll let you figure that one out). So between my bathroom visits, I have been processing and reflecting on my experiences thus far. I have really been searching for what the Lord wants me to get out of this second experience.

Yesterday, we visited Kibera the largest slum in Nairobi that is the home to 800,000 to 1,000,000 people in the area of Central Park. After the elections in December there was violence in allparts of Kenya but Kibera experienced alot of destruction and violence. On the way to the Kiscodep office we saw signs saying "stop violence, keep peace." We pulled up to the office and as soon as we stepped of the bus we were greeted by familiar faces that eagerly welcomed us back. We took the afternoon to tour the community development programs. One of the stops was a preschool. It was constructed of tin, plastic sheets and cardboard. It was dim, musty where mostly a class of orphans tried to get an education. They also receive typically their only meal of sugary soup here. At the end of our afternoon together we headed back to their office where they treated us to soda pops and muffins. They did not enjoy these snacks, only provided for us.

2 Corinthians 8:2-3 "Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability."These people gave us things that they do not even enjoy themselves. I ask myself how can this be. They know the feeling of going to sleep with hunger in their gut and yet they give the wealthy Americans all they have. How do I make sense of this?

2 Corinthians 8:10-11 "And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter: Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means."Where does this leave me? What is right for me to give? Last night in our devotion time we talked about how greatly in proportion to what they have, they give. If I was to do the same and they were to visit my home what would the equivalent be? Would they leave with my family's best china or car even? Even as a college student, I could give enough money to make a difference in that school of orphans. I'm already trying to process how I go home and continue to live aware of wealth I have been given only by the grace of God and how we are called to share it.

Also another thing I attempt to hang on to is the lesson of knowing what is important in life. There are times when I'm sitting with a child that I know that I can not fix their suffering. But I can share a laugh and a smile. I realize through processing alot of the experiences here that in life even when there is great frustration and hardships to go through there is still joy and happiness.

I've also learned to be content in single moments. In the States, we often get caught up in the fast pace business of life. Here I am much more able to sit with someone and be completely in that moment. My mind is not wondering about something else, I'm not focused on the next task. I can sit with another person and be content in that single moment. Over the past year between my experiences in Africa I feel like I was able to hold on to some of this thinking but regardless it slowly would fade and at times be completely lost. I wish there was a way of bottling this so I would not forget to enjoy life.

The thing that I hope to hold on to the most is to not forget what it is like to walk the paths of Kibera. I never want to forget that I've been blessed with wealth that not everyone in this world experience. I want to remember that I feel moved to make the biggest difference I can. I can't simply go home and keep my same perspective of the world and my place in it. This is where I am at right now.

Random side note: I want to wish my sista Tobey a happy 30th birthday. I hope July 10th is a beautiful day back home in the states for a beautiful person. Separate but equal. Love you.